Hang In There, Hiei!
by Jaded Baby Blues
Summary: Hiei is having the most horrible things happening to him. First it's his gravitydefying hair and now he can't get his hands to work properly due to a slight...problem..Ehem! Rated for partial nudity. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. I have said this a thousand times but I'm saying it anyway, I wish I owned Hiei though…I mean, who wouldn't? He's just soooo cute! Even the ones who like Kurama can't argue with that! Hiei's just awesome!!

**Author's Notes:** Please forgive me if this fic happened to offend some of you readers out there! I am going to put it as rated M however so please don't flame me afterwards. I have a bad temper and I know some really good cuss words so don't try me! I'd also like to say sorry if this isn't very funny. It was just something I thought of at the spur of the moment and I HAD to get it out of my system!! I know it ain't deep but I wanted it to be that way! So humor me, kay?

Hang In There, Hiei!

Hiei couldn't figure out what was wrong with his hair that day! It was still black in color and it still had that soft fuzzy texture…But why was it not its usual gravity defying self??? His hair _always_ stood upwards!! So why wasn't it doing it today? What was worse was that Hiei didn't know how to make it stand up again because his hair naturally stood up all on its own! He didn't do anything to it (neither did he want to because he thought it was cool) and no matter how hard any one tried, his hair would never change.

That was proven when he was staying with those sucky bandits. They had tried their best to cut it and mess it up but his hair didn't even budge. Hiei also discovered that even though his hair had a soft texture when anyone ran their fingers through it , it could be as hard as cement when he smashed it at those dumb bandits! After that they never bothered him about his hair ever again!

At that thought, Hiei almost felt himself give way to crying because it brought back such fond memories of him and his beloved gravity defying hair! But now it wasn't gravity defying any more and Hiei couldn't bare the thought of every one seeing him as he was!

What would that idiot Kuwabara say if he saw his hair!!!??

Hiei decided it was best if he tried to ask for help from Yusuke or Kurama. Normally Hiei wouldn't ever bother asking for help from any one but desperate times calls for desperate measures! If it meant saving his wonderful, natural spiked up hair then anything would be worth it.

Hopping over roof tops and buildings, he made his way to Genkai's temple where he guessed Yusuke might hang around.

Suddenly, catching sight of himself in a window shop, Hiei stopped to stare at himself. His hair was still limp as ever and it reached his shoulders but Hiei thought it looked alright on him. Somehow or other he looked almost pretty with his hair, like Kurama. But he still wanted his spiky hair back!

"Hey, honey! Cool hairdo!" came a feminine voice and Hiei snapped to look at the person who had said it.

A big framed girl with shoulder length hair and big breasts stood smiling serenely at him.

"What do you want?" snapped Hiei.

"It's what you want that's important here…That hair of yours…It won't stick up now" she said pointing at Hiei's limp hair.

"And do _you_ know a way to get it normal again?" asked Hiei rudely.

"Ha ha! As a matter of fact I do Hiei!" said the girl cheerfully.

"What you need is hair gel!"

"Hair gel?" asked Hiei "What's that?"

"Oh, it's that stuff that Yusuke uses to make his hair all cool and stuff…His normal hair is so dead naff that if he went about with it, he probably wouldn't be the hero of Yu Yu Hakusho!" replied the girl snickering.

"Hair gel, huh?" Hiei asked carefully.

"Well, what're you waiting for? Go on and ask Yusuke for some! Go on git!" cried the girl happily smacking Hiei on the back.

Hiei was too relieved to think that he had finally found a way to cure his limp hair, he forgot to get angry at the girl for smacking him. He also forgot how the hell the girl knew his name and what did she mean by Yusuke being a hero in Yu Yu something…

Hopping over to Genkai's temple, he almost flew into the front gates in his eagerness to get some hair gel!

"Whoa! Who the heck are you!?" said Yusuke, staring at Hiei's hair. Yusuke couldn't figure out who this person was. Sure he looked like Hiei but that couldn't be because this guy had messy hair that went downwards! Very much unlike Hiei's hair that stood up on ends.

"Wow! Is that you Hiei?" asked Keiko, her eyes widening "You look so cute!"

Hiei blushed suddenly but quickly looked the other way so no one could see.

"Well, I don't like it much…So I wanna ask Yusuke for some hair gel…" he muttered.

"You're Hiei!?" asked Yusuke surprised "Hahahahahaha! What the hell happened to you, man? I thought you were some pretty boy just now?"

Hiei's face immediately flamed up! He knew this was going to happen! Thank god that fool Kuwabara wasn't he-

"OoIIIIIIiiii!! Kuwa-chan!!! Check out Hiei's new hair style!!" Yusuke yelled like some mad man while rushing off to get Kuwabara, to Hiei's utmost horror!

"Oh, god no!" Hiei cried horrified at the prospect. He leaped to grab after Yusuke but in his haste he slammed into the floor instead.

In a flash, Kuwabara was there with Yusuke having the time of their lives teasing Hiei about his hair.

"Hey! It looks pretty good on you Hiei!"

"Pretty boy is so gonna get it with the fangirls!"

"Hehehehe! Yo! Check this out! Oh, Hiei, Hiei, please be my date tonight! You're soooo handsome! You're the most _wonderful _man ever!" cried Yusuke in a high pitch voice, batting his eye lashes at Hiei.

"Yes, yes, Hiei!_ Oh, my Hiei!!"_

Doubling over, the both of them rolled on the floor in hysterics.

"You do look very nice, Hiei" commented Kurama, who, from all the commotion had come over to them. Botan was there too.

"Shut up!" Hiei spat angrily. He was almost itching to grab his sword to chop up both the laughing ningens.

Keiko and Botan, however were eyeing Hiei like lovesick puppies.

"You two shut up!" yelled Botan at Yusuke and Kuwabara.

"Yeah! Don't say that to poor Hiei!" Keiko shrieked and began bashing Yusuke's head.

Then both girls turned to face Hiei with an extremely hunger strived look.

"Hiiiiiieeii!" droolled Keiko and Botan tried grabbing onto Hiei's arm.

"Marry me!"

Hiei, who was completely not used to being treated this way by girls just stood there with his jaw hung open.

Kurama (who had taken pity to Hiei) decided to jump to the rescue by pulling Hiei away from the lovesick girls.

Dragging Hiei somewhere else, he dropped the fire demon on the ground.

"I need hair gel, Kurama! I need it now!!"

"You sure about that?" asked Kurama who secretly thought Hiei's hair was very trendy (and it was!).

"Dead sure! First of all, the girls just jumped at me like psychos! And that bastard ape and his pet detective were laughing at me! And also because…because…"

"Because?" asked Kurama, curiously.

"Because my hair never goes limp like this!! It's always been gravity defying! I miss it, Kurama…"Hiei said the last bit wistfully.

Kurama was quite shocked of course, seeing Hiei's reaction towards his new hairdo. Hiei NEVER said anything in that tone!

"Well, if that's what you want Hiei. If you really want it, I think Yusuke's hair gel's in the bathroom, on the sink", said Kurama pointing the direction towards the bathrooms.

Hiei, eager to get his hair to normal again, rushed as quickly as he could.

"If you ask me, though, I think you should reconsider about _this_ haircut Hiei!!" called Kurama after him.

When Hiei entered the bathroom, he immediately looked for the hair gel. He went over to the sink and saw a small viscous of some sort which immediately made him think it was the hair gel.

Grabbing it and slobbering its contents all over his head, he paused to check out the results. And the results were wonderful! His hair was gravity defying again!

Hiei almost leaped for joy!

After minutes of staring and posing in front of the mirror, Hiei felt he needed to take a leak.

Pulling out his dick from his pants he pissed in the toilet.

Suddenly, Hiei discovered he couldn't remove his hands from his manhood!! What the hell???

Frustrated he tried with all his energy to pry his hands off of his manhood! Bad move, though because Hiei screamed in pain!! His skin felt like it was going to be ripped off!

"Gah! What the fuck??" Hiei cried out, tears in his eyes.

But alas for poor little Hiei, no matter what he did, his hands just wouldn't come off of his manhood.

Struggling like crazy, he stumbled backwards and found himself falling from the window! But before he hit the ground, Hiei used his super cool speed and fancy moves acrobatics to get onto the roof!

Now, he had his hands on his manhood and his feet on the roof of Genkai's temple!

"Damn it! Why won't you come off!?" he hissed at his dick.

"_This is pay back because you never touch me! What's more you never allow me to go and screw some sexy slut!" _came the reply.

"_You don't take care of me very well, now do you?"_ the voice continued in hurtful tones.

Hiei didn't even bother to get shock at his "talking" dick any more. He was too busy trying to get his hands off of it!

"I don't want to go around screwing sluts! It is beneath me to do something as lowly as that!"

"_How dare you! I need my fun time too! Like last month, when it was mating season, why didn't you go and screw that sexy little ningen slut we saw!?"_

"You sick pervert! I already told you! I don't want to, now return my hands to me!" demanded Hiei.

"_You wish!"_

And then suddenly out of the blue, Hiei heard screams form below.

"Ah! It's a sick perverted flasher on the roof! Gross!" cried a sexy girl with enormous breasts.

"You're right! Ew! Call the cops quick!" said her friend.

Unfortunately for Hiei, instead of doing something to escape, his manhood had better ideas. The minute it saw the sexy girls, it started to swell itself in Hiei's hands immediately!!

"_Now, those are lovely catches! Let's screw them!" _it cried out gleefully.

"Oh, god no!"

The next minute, the police were all over Genkai's temple, carrying guns and all the super cool gadgets and gizmos! Speacial agent forces people were surrounding the area like crazy!

"We've got a sick flasher here!"

"Let's move, move! Move!"

"No, please! I didn't-", but they had already grabbed poor Hiei and dragged him to a truck.

While they were bringing him to the truck, the sexy girls and both Keiko and Botan were practically slumped together in awe at the sight of Hiei's proudly swelling dick.

"Oh, my god!" said Keiko breathlessly, her eyes fixed on _that_ part of Hiei's body.

"Wow! I mean, wow!" was all Botan said. Her eyes glued on Hiei's manhood aswell.

"And I thought Yusuke was well-endowed!"

"Stop looking at it Keiko! You've already got Yusuke remember?"

"Oh, why did you call the cops, Yuu!? We could have had him with us forever!" cried one of the sexy girls.

"I know! Oh! I'm regretting it now!"

And poor little Hiei didn't know which was better, the drooling females or the cops!

"_I told you they'd like me!"_ came an extremely arrogant voice.

"Shut up!"

Somewhere else...

"Yusuke! Where's the super glue?" aksed Keiko.

"Um! I think it's in the toilet beside my hair gel! Lemme go get it, kay?"

End.

**Me again:** Review me please??? Please tell me if you guys think I should continue Hang In There, Hiei! If you guys want me to then I'm so gonna do it! Tell me, kay?


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